AUTHOR: Jen Isaks
DATE: January 2003, finished January 2008
CATEGORY: Slash, mild h/c
RATING: just to be safe NC-17
WARNINGS: non, except m/m groping and thoughts of sex.
ARCHIVE: Yes, to Bald Heaven, others please ask I like to know where my child is going.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please do for I need to know if anyone are still interested in this fandom. Jenisaks@hotmail.com
OTHER WEBSITES: http://www.jenisaks.com
DISCLAIMERS: not mine wish they were.
BETA: Thanks to Bertie who started helping me when I started this five years ago. Thanks Kay and Abby for the help with the characters and grammar.
SUMMERAY: Harm's world has been rocked and he's under pressure.
NOTES: I'm depressed... I've had a lot of trouble finishing this fic and even more trying to find anyone to beta it. It seems that this fandom is less than popular, that make me very sad. I have many half finished fics in this fandom and I'm wondering if it'd be worth the trouble to actually finish them. Anyone even what it read it? If you're tuned into actually reading this please let me know.
“Oh my God, Harm. You got mouth to mouth from the Admiral and you tongued him!”
Mac was trying very hard to contain her laughter, but not succeeding as she felt it ripple from her stomach up through her body. The strain to keep it back brought tears to her eyes.
Harm's blush turned from pink to crimson; he felt totally humiliated. He hadn’t been himself since the events that landed him in sickbay. Concerned, Mac had called him on it more than once. And now, that he told her he wished he hadn’t said anything. She was still laughing. It didn’t look like she would be able to help him with this.
What was he supposed to do now? Ever since that day, images of the Admiral - AJ, as Harm now thought of him in the privacy of his own mind - haunted him day and night, stealing his sleep and ensuring a restlessness that was becoming unbearable. His every thought was interrupted by thoughts of AJ. He felt unable to function at work, which was why he had decided finally to tell his partner Mac. It was a wonder that the Admiral himself hadn’t called him on his inefficiency at work. Maybe he - AJ - had apparently blocked the incident from his mind; he sure as hell was acting like nothing had happened. Maybe Harm should just follow AJ’s lead and treat the entire episode as the honest mistake it was and let it go.
Isn’t that what he had been trying to do for the last two weeks? Let it go - how the hell could he do that when he ran into the man every day? Even the thought of AJ working behind his desk only a couple of doors away, his growling, his lips stretched in a self-satisfied grin. Those lips looked to the rest of the world as hard as chiselled stone, but when they were, in fact, soft as they were strong. It made him want to go - no run - into that office and pull AJ out of his chair by his lapels, and ravage that unbelievably tasty mouth. Harm could almost feel AJ’s lips on his, making him breathless and that was the core of his problem. Never before had Harm been in a situation where he had to question his own sexuality. Not that there was any question any more since the image searing memory of the brief *kiss*- was a running loops in his mind. He was already tired of walking around with a painful hard-on that just would not go down no matter how many trips he made to the head. Thankfully, the rest of the staff thought that he had a stomach problem so they didn’t comment on his frequent visits to the head or the muffled moans they might overhear. At any other time, he would had been happy at his new found teenage stamina – not that he had ever been this horny in his life – but right now impotence had its advantages.
Mac stopped laughing, and she stared at him, not that he noticed. She berated herself for laughing at him, realizing that she might have inadvertently hurt him. She could tell that he was very uncomfortable. Yeah, Mac, you have been a real help; you really managed to make it so much better!
“Harm, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to -”
Harm cut her off, abruptly. “It’s okay Mac.” He suddenly felt he had to get her out of his office fast, but before he could come up with a line to do just that, a ringing phone interrupted them.
“Sir, the Admiral wants you and the Major in his office ASAP.”
“We’ll be right there, Tiner,” Harm replied with a sigh. “The Admiral’s office now, Mac.”
Mac watched as Harm got his case files together without looking at her, not noticing the frown now gracing her face in response to his tone. She didn’t think her insensitive reaction warranted this response but she let it slide since it was apparently he had a difficult time facing the Admiral. Hell, hadn’t she felt that a few years back? She wondered why he was this upset about the Admiral, it wasn't like it was a catastrophe. Mac made a mental note to ask him about it and apologize later, when they had the opportunity to talk.
Harm was already out of the office, and she hurried to catch up to him. Outside the Admiral's office, Harm had to compose himself before he could knock on the door. A growling response from behind the door, “Enter!” made Harm’s cock jump for joy though the owner wasn’t too happy. He tried to will it down with no luck. Thankfully he had his case files he could hide behind. Entering the office, he tried desperately to hold onto his air of confidence. He, felt like he was walking into a lion's den, afraid he’d never get out of there in one piece, and praying he would at least leave with his dignity intact. He couldn’t seem to shed his stiff posture. Almost unnoticed, Mac gave his arm a little squeeze. When his eyes met hers, the contact -as briefly as it was gave him some comfort. For a moment, he felt he would be able to handle anything. The feeling vanished in a flash when the Admiral looked up from his papers and their eyes met for a second that, to Harm, felt like hours.
As the heat crept up from his chest to colour his cheeks, Harm wished he could just vanish from the face of the earth. His heart was racing so fast that for a moment he thought he’d pass out.
“Please take a seat.” The Admiral’s soft invitation sounded unusually loud in the quiet office.
Harm kept his eyes down, trying hard to follow the conversation, but all he heard was the sound of AJ's voice. That incredible sexy voice was making him so hard he thought for sure his zipper would give way any second now. Shifting in his seat, he looked up to see if anyone had noticed anything out of the ordinary. Mac was in a deep conversation with the Admiral and Harm could barely follow. Thank God it was her case they apparently were going over. All he could think about was soft lips, tasty mouth, and tongue. Harm's mouth filled with saliva so fast he had to swallow hard a couple of times before he started to drool.
A minute sound shocked Harm from his thoughts, his eyes settling on his CO’s lips. Their movement sent Harm into an almost hypnotic state. All he could focus on was the movement of those soft, inviting lips. As the lips moved, Images filled his mind's eye portraying all kinds of x-rated situations and activities. When the Admiral’s tongue snaked out to lick his lower lip, a small whimper escaped Harm's mouth. He could feel his now very painful hard-on leaking into his pants. Suddenly, he was very hot Harm started to reach up to loosen his tie, to get some much-needed air, he stopped himself before he could call attention to himself.
In Harm’s mind, he slowly stood and approached the desk. Leaning over it, he curved his hand behind the older man’s head as he moved in slowly and kissed AJ right on the mouth. Harm let his eyes drop closed as AJ’s sweet - tasting lips opened under his and let him slide his tongue in to meet with soft, wet flesh of the man of his dreams.
Harm’s heartfelt sigh brought him to the Admiral’s attention. ”Are we boring you, Commander?” Chegwidden’s acerbic question brought him fully back to his present predicament.
“Ah no, sir. Sorry, sir; please go on.”
The Admiral pursed his lips and rested his chin on tented hands. A look of deep thought or speculation crossed his features; he washed his hands over his face and looked at the Major.
“I think we have covered everything Major.” Chegwidden stated.
“Yes, sir,” Mac answered nervously.
“Aye, aye, sir.” Mac and Harm responded, getting out of their chairs and standing briefly at attention before they moved to the door.
“Commander, may I have a word with you?”
They both stopped and turned around. Harm's mouth had suddenly gone very dry. The relief he had felt when dismissed had disappeared in a heartbeat. He locked gazes with Mac. who was sure that the look of panic in Harm’s eyes was mirrored in her own.
Chegwidden cleared his throat, “ I only need the Commander, Major.”
Harm blushed crimson at the Admiral's verbal slip–up. He was positive it had to be a slip–up; he didn’t dare hope for anything else. Oh God, now he was hearing things too, reading things into what wasn’t really there – how desperately sick was that? He didn’t dare to look at his CO too frightened at what he might read - or not read for that matter - in AJ’s handsome face. And he was handsome indeed.
A worried Mac closed the door leaving her friend behind.
The last few weeks Harm had been asking himself a lot of questions. The first one as to if he were or were not gay, not entirely sure as how to answer that. He asked another was there any other man that would be able to turn him on as the Admiral did? Harm had spent a lot of time checking out just about any male that walked trough the bullpen. How come when he looked at AJ he couldn’t breathe, and his stomach was suddenly full of butterflies. He didn’t get that when he looked at Gunny, Bud, Webb, or Tiner. Gunny sure was buff, but it didn’t do anything for him. Bud was more of a turn off. Webb he just wanted to turn over his knee and tan his hide, but there was absolutely nothing sexual about it. Tiner was… well, kind of cute in a very innocent way. A way that brought out a major need to protect, but Harm was definitely not a *Daddy*. Not that he would make a play for the young yeoman anyway. Nope, no way, no how.
While Harm was lost in his own thoughts, Mac had quietly left the office. She decided to wait outside the door in Tiner's empty office. Not that she wanted to listen at the Admiral's door, or anything as unseemly as that - or maybe she did. 'Stop it', she told herself. She was just going to make sure Chegwidden didn't kill her partner. She was just standing a little close to the door so she could step in if needed.
'Yeah right!! Tell me another one. Damn!!'
Mac wished she could be a fly on the wall for this one.
The Admiral had been watching Harm standing there lost in his thoughts. Since Harm got back on duty a few weeks ago nothing was going according to plan. He had seemed beside himself, and AJ had not been willing to call him on it. AJ had written it off to the fact that his subordinate had been through a difficult time and given him some slack – okay a lot of slack – thinking that business would soon return to normal. But it had not. If at all, it had gotten worse. Now was the time to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, because it sure as hell couldn’t go on like this. AJ was determined that he would help however he could. He didn’t want to lose his lawyer. The scare AJ had gotten from being close to losing his friend and co-worker in the accident had, if nothing else, shown him how much he cared about Harm. He had been downright petrified when he had held Harm’s lifeless body in his arms – in fact he’d cried like child - hugging him close, and telling him not to leave him. Then he got his sanity back and started a furious attempt to revive Harm. The remembered fear of losing Harm made AJ shiver from its pure devastating power – that the very thought could bring him close to tears – was beyond him. The lack of understanding his own reaction made him frustrated. His anger was quickly directed at the reason for these foreign emotions.
AJ turned his attention toward Harm. Knowing that he had been giving him too much slack lately - it was now time to get to the bottom of his problem - there was no way he could let it go on. He'd hoped that Harm would have come to him by himself - he should have - Chegwidden had been sure that he had Harm's confidence. But he hadn't, and that hurt unexpectedly and now he simmered with angry hurt. He was going to get it out of him right now even if he had to beat it out of him. This dance just could not keep going on and on - it had to stop right here, right now.
"You mind telling me what the hell is going on with you, Commander!?"
The Admiral's harsh words tore at Harm's heart. He felt it shatter. Why the hell didn't he just rip it out and step on it. The gaping hole in his chest sure felt like AJ had done just that. Harm clutched his files close to his body like a shield, but let's face it, it was like treating nuclear waste with an oven mitt. Harm felt his eyes tearing up as it finally hit him - the overwhelming love he harboured for the man before him. Love?
Yes, love, and not just lust. He now recognized what his heart had known the minute his lips had been touched by AJ's weeks before. Harm started shaking violently with the effort it took him to keep the blinding tears from falling.
Oh God, he had to get the hell out of there this very minute. He gasped for air as if he was choking.
He turned in the direction of what he hoped was the door. Harm did not get very far before he was stopped by a hard grip on his arm. Stifling a sob, he blinked quickly to try and clear his eyes. Instead it allowed his tears to fall free and they did. A gentle hand on his chin turned his face toward the other man now standing very close.
AJ's anger had softened at Harm's obvious distress. But nothing prepared him for the gut-punching pain that slammed into him. It squeezed his heart when he was meet by the total despair in the tear-soaked eyes. He gasped almost losing his grip.
"Harm, what's wrong? Please tell me ...I can't help you if you don't."
The younger man opened his mouth but nothing came out. He tried again but still nothing. He must have looked like a fish out of water. The friendly brown eyes - staring questioningly into his own were soft as melted chocolate. Harm felt himself fall into them, sure he would lose himself in their depths.
Harm gave up the use of his voice. Settling for action he moved slowly toward AJ, and kissed him on the mouth. AJ's lips were slightly parted, so Harm slid his tongue in and touched the tip of AJ's. The other man's gasp gave him more room to manoeuvre, deepening the kiss. Harm couldn't believe what he was doing; yet AJ hadn't moved an inch.
'God, he tastes so good.'
Suddenly, he was turned and pressed up against the desk. AJ had his leg pressed into Harm's groin feeling the hardness there saluting him. Harm was kissed with a fever of passion he'd never known existed. It left him light headed, and out of breath. Thanks to his CO's strength, he stayed upright when his knees wanted to give out.
AJ pulled his leg from between his man's, wrapped his right arm around Harm's side and pulled him tight against him. They kissed sweetly like that for what seemed like a long time. Harm could feel a wet spot forming on his belly from the leaking precum. This man was going to be the death of him. He felt like a teenage boy; his emotions so out of control. But it was okay, he didn't mind losing his control when it came to this man. Well not any more, although these past weeks had been hell, but now he was exactly where he wanted to be. How the hell did he get to be so lucky?
Sighing, Harm rested his forehead on AJ's.
AJ looked deep into blue eyes. What he saw there was a total mix of love, trust, and lust. AJ realized that Harm wanted him. Wanted him to make Harm his and there was nothing AJ wanted more. They both knew that this was not just a one-night stand, nor was this them getting over a limited time lust phase. No, this was definitely something deeper, something much more meaningful and surprising that had happened.
AJ finally recognized what he had been feeling these last weeks. Around his old heart there was a lightness he'd never felt before. AJ's mind was locked on the beauty and the wonder of this man before him. Finally AJ had fallen deeply, passionately, and hopelessly in love. It had almost passed under his nose without him even noticing. Finally here he was Harm; his mate, his partner, his lover. He knew it with a certainty that overwhelmed him. And deep within him was a tremendous fear. Fear that somehow Harm wouldn't feel the same way. But the look in Harm's eyes mirrored AJ's feelings and knew they felt exactly the same way. They were seeing their reason for existing in one another's eyes. To be together. To be united in body and soul.
'Oh God, he was turning into a total sap in his old age.' AJ drew Harm to him and kissed him like he'd never stop.
When the Admiral's raised voice had quieted and gone silent, Mac's nerves got the better of her. With the hair on her neck raised, she decided to open the door silently. The sight of the Admiral and Harm locked in an intimate embrace was breath-taking.
To say that Mac was shocked was the understatement of the year. She just stood there befuddled. She had to consciously pick her jaw up off the floor.
Suddenly everything seemed to fall into place, the world was in perfect sync - the way it should be. Smiling she quietly closed the door and left the two men to enjoy their new-found love for one another.
As she turned to leave the outer office, she almost bumped into Tiner in the doorway. She turned to follow Tiner's movements with her eyes. When she saw that he was moving toward the Admiral's office, she felt panic flowing through her body. With her heart in her throat, she quickly called out.
"Ah, Tiner, you can't go in there." Mac held her breath.
"I need to get this to the Admiral." He moved closer to the door.
"That can wait," she answered in a loud-pitched voice.
"But he told me he wanted to see this as soon as it got in the door," Tiner almost whined.
"I know he's busy right now. Believe me you don't want to disturb him." Mac smiled sweetly at Tiner hoping he would follow her lead. "Anyway, he said I could borrow you for a few minutes. I need you to help me locate some files. I've been looking all over, but I can't seem to find them. The expert that you are; you're just the man for the job."
"You're just saying that, aren't you."
"Of course not."
"Sure you are."
"Okay but I'm really on the spot here. You have to help me. The Admiral is going to have my butt if I don't find them now or more like yesterday. Please, please, help me." She lowered her eyes and looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes with a pleading look, silently praying he would buy it.
"Oh all right, if you're absolutely sure he won't miss these papers. I don't want to get in trouble."
"I'm sure, and you won't, I promise. This won't take long, come on." Mac's heart rate fell a couple of notches and she was able to breathe more easily. Now she could only hope no one else would walk in on the Admiral and Harm.
"Okay," Tiner followed the Major out of the office, "What were the files you were looking for....?”
Their voices faded, not that the men behind the door even noticed.
THE END ???